Freaking put is perfectly normal in this situation, I spent the time before, a bit of time after...and the occasional hour or so now doing the same thing!
I can tell you now that I've had the surgery I can't believe how different it is. I had a lot of sucess losing weight previously but it was always a struggle, I could do the right thing but I always felt deprived. I was always relying on will power. Willpower works for a while but not forever. Now that's not the case, I eat, I feel satisfied and I stop, it's a world of difference.
I suddenly understand why people are so awful about weightloss and say "why can't you just stop eating" because all of a sudden I can decide I don't really need that last spoonful or to finish that entire plate because I actually don't want it whereas before it was I shouldn't have it. It has changed my whole relationship with food. I now feel like I've leveled out the playing field and I've given myself the best chance to suceed.
Don't get me wrong I still do a bit of emotional eating and you can make the wrong choices but I feel like it's just not on the same scale
Good luck with it all and try not to give yourself to hard a time😊