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 Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?

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nightowl
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Thu 07 Aug 2014, 10:25 pm

I guess you can only do what feels right for you. I told everyone right from the beginning, that I was thinking about having the surgery, then I was preparing for it, having it and recovering from it, and now living with it happily. I haven't had a single negative comment to my face - maybe there's been some negative things said behind my back, but chances are, anyone who does this was probably saying nasty things behind my back all along.
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Msforgiven83
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Thu 07 Aug 2014, 12:24 pm

I have been quite selective about who I tell, primarily because I didn't want the scrutiny post surgery (should she be eating that, how much weight has she lost, blah blah). I also am aware that not everyone sees this as a positive decision, and a LOT of people think it's a weak way out and I really dont want the negativity as I go through this journey. I think it's very important to build a good support team of people around you who will be there for you and lift you up when you're doing the hard yards, and so long as you have those people around you the rest of the world doesn't need to know. 

It's a fine line to walk - somewhere between protecting yourself and your spirit while you're going through this transition, and making sure you have plenty of support. My best wishes go with you for your journey, trust yourself and be confident that you'll know when to share and when to choose silence :) xx
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Willowgirl
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PostSubject: Telling   Thu 07 Aug 2014, 11:51 am

I have told my Mum, husband, good friend and another sleeved friend and that will be all. Extended family don't know I am going into hospital and I will not tell them. If they find out I have been they will only know it was some clean up surgery, none of their business. I had a hysterectomy in 2011 so let them think this is what I am having cleaned up. I don't want people to know as they are basically pretty judgmental and it is none of their business. If I was having an operation on my backside I wouldn't tell anyone so why should I tell them this?
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zigzag
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Thu 07 Aug 2014, 11:22 am

I have decided to tell my old dad and mum as they have been seriously worried about me for a long time. They have been sworn to secrecy. I have read some good points on this page.  I will go to surgery next month and in particular there are some possible nosies at work who might directly floor me with a direct question like "when you had your hernias repaired, did you have a little something else done too?"

Has anyone got some classic comebacks?

I did lose a lot of weight several years ago so they have seen me do it before (two years later the black dog bit and hung-on for 3 -4 years. I chose to give in to my nemesis for comfort....) I do not want to be ground down after a while by smug small minded types....hey maybe I should give the benefit of the doubt.. even if they twigged it may not happen, right !

Has anyone got some good or funny stories about your success in keeping your own business to yourself?

I figure it is not the sleeve-tool it is whole rebuild of my health physically and contribute positively to mental buoyancy.
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JPC
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sun 19 Aug 2012, 3:48 am

Hi, my surgery is my business!!

Obviously I told my husband, and my daughter but did not tell my son or any other family members, and would definately not say anything at work. The advice from my surgeon was to tell people I was having a major hernia repair and the lead up and recovery period required major dietary adaptations to ensure everything went well.

When the weight loss continues I will tell people it is just portion control and protein as per my dieticians advice - full truth there :-)

At the end of the day it is no-ones business unless you want to tell them
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Alysia88
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sat 18 Aug 2012, 8:51 pm

Interesting to read, I was thinking the same question.

My mum, step father, brother and 2 of my best friends know that I've decided to take this step but I don't think I want to tell anyone else, especially at work. Small town, and they don't know anything but how to gossip.. And I don't want to be the talk of the town...

Even just dealing with the questions before (if I get the good news) the
surgery, I'm wondering how to deal with..

Good luck with your decisions :)
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vicki007
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sat 18 Aug 2012, 3:10 pm

The decision to have a sleeve for me, was made by me, my husband and my 3 daughters. Hubby and I investigated all options, gave this info to our daughters, and then after a few weeks of everyone absorbing it, we talked and came to the correct decision, so apart from them, I have only told 3 other people, and I still havent decided if I will tell MIL & SILs. I was very up front about it to those I have told. 2 of those people have been "involved" with gastric surgery, so I only had to "cringe" once when I told the last person(my only sister) She asked me only 1 question, but asked my hubby several! I interpreted her attitude towards our decision as negative, which is why I am very dubious about telling MIL. One of my SIL is a nurse, so ofcourse she knows more about the entire procedure than anyone else in the whole wide world, so I probably wont tell her until it has been done. The other SIL is where hubby is staying while I am in hospital, so she will probably be told I am having stomach surgery. I think at the moment, I want to enjoy this experience and I want it to be "me time", and I dont want other people telling me their opinions and this and that about it, EXCEPT those who have had/ are having/ or thinking about having this surgery.

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beckash
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sat 18 Aug 2012, 2:26 pm

Im due to be sleeved on the 5th of September, At first I told my friend who lived in WA she was happy and proud of me which gave me the confidence to tell 2 of my other friends that was before surgery had been scheduled and I was just going thru my options they were all very supportive. Monday last week I told the guy I am seeing ... I wasnt planning to it just came out in the conversation and he was very supportive (I didnt think he would be).

Last Saturday I told another close friend and she hung up the phone on me and I havent tried calling her back and she hasnt called me... In my mind its her issue not mine and if she cant handle or deal with it & be supportive then she wasnt a geniune friend.

Im not telling my mother or any of my family as I know they will be negative and not be supportive .. Im not close to them and very rarely see them so it doesnt matter.

I have told everybody Im having surgery on my stomach from a botched gall bladder removal in 2009(Ended up in ICU) and Im doing it now as I have got PHI.

I havent told anybody at work and probably wont as Ive only been there 3 months.

After the surgery I think I will start telling more people ... Not much they can do about it after their done and I might also find out who some of my true friends and supporters are.

Good Luck with whatever decision you make I believe its an individual one for everybody.

18 DAYS TO GO!!!!



After the surgery I may tell more I might not
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NormalNow
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sat 18 Aug 2012, 2:03 pm

I told 3 people, my dh, my sister and a dear friend. I knew all would support me and hold my secret safe.

Everyone else has been told portion control, calorie counting and exercise.

I'm simply not interested in everyone's opinion good, bad or whatever, or justifying why I had to take such drastic measures to lose weight.

Everyone is excited that I'm losing weight. I want that to be the focus, not the surgery.
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PiercedMumma08
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sat 18 Aug 2012, 4:56 am

Its up to you and I guess the following comes into consideration:

1. How supportive the people you are telling are, and how supportive they will be afterwards
2. How you will respond/ tolerate/ handle/ deal with the negative comments (if you get any)
3. How proud/ confident you are about the surgery.

For me, I told everyone and this has been one of my big regrets. I received plenty of negative feedback which really threw me and wasnt pleasant at all. I was very proud of my decision however I guess there is always someone out there who will want to knock you down.

So, just make sure you tell people who you know will support you.

And Janette and the other posters have given some good ideas.... :)

Good luck with your decisions.
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Janette
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sat 18 Aug 2012, 2:52 am

Kayla

When workmates ask how you are losing weight just tell them portion control and protein which is the truth anyway. Worked for me. I have been sleeved nearly 3 years and some at work still don't know.
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sat 18 Aug 2012, 1:53 am

I am the same, very scared to tell people. My sleeve wont be until March next year and i have so far only told my mum and one good friend. I am also particularly scared about telling my workmates, 99% of them are women... and they all like to gossip :/

I have heard positive feedback from people that have opened up and told others and workmates, but in saying that i have also heard some horror stories. I am quite a shy person and like to keep things to myself, and for some reason i have it in my head that the surgery is embarassing (i dont know why, and i hope to shake that from my mind soon lol).

I have the two week optifast before surgery and people will notice im eating healthier, so i plan to tell them that im hoping to lose weight. Then i have four weeks off work, so should be at the mushy stage when i get back to work and would have lost a bit more weight... hoping that they just congratulate me on my loss and not ask questions lol.

Now that i have read what i wrote here, it doesnt sound very helpful:P. I hope everything goes well.

Kayla.
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Janette
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Sat 18 Aug 2012, 12:58 am

Tell them you are having a hernia repair, then thats around the right area.

I actually did, but didn't tell anyone about part 2 of the surgery.

If you have a hiatus hernia, which alot of overweight people have, it has to be repaired before you can be sleeved.
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jessied
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Fri 17 Aug 2012, 11:13 pm

I just said I was having "some plumbing done" when I needed to say something. If you are unsure about telling then I think it is better not to as once it is out there you can't take it back. Your feelings may change at a later time and you may want to tell people, it will be your choice. Till then use the "portion control and exercise" which is not a lie.
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Zenna
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PostSubject: Re: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Fri 17 Aug 2012, 10:57 pm

At first i didn't tell anyone and I was quite fearful about what to say. By the time I went to Sydney and had the appointment with the surgeon and booked the surgery I started to feel more comfortable. Whe I started opti, I started to tell people because I felt ok with it. When I came back from surgery I told the last 2 people in my team. I feel really good about my decision and that helped me tell people. There are heaps more people in the building I work in that see me all the time and they don't know. If they ask I will tell them. I don't want to lie as weight loss is such a struggle. I also don't care if they do not agree with it, and yes I have had friends say, are you sure, couldn't you just diet, won't your hair fall out, how will you get enough nutrients in.

Ultimately it is up to you
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heftyhideaway
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PostSubject: Advice needed! Did you tell people about yr surgery or keep it a secret?   Fri 17 Aug 2012, 10:19 pm

Im wondering what to do, particularly with work colleagues. Im thinking or saying I've got "wpmen's issues" as I feel so exposed telling people the truth. Its so personal. What did others do?
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